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2011 Oscar Page is here

Well, how sad is it that I haven’t updated this site in one full year.  Sigh.

Ah, who cares, IT’S OSCAR SEASON!!!  Time to start planning the drinks and making the ballots.

You can find my 2011 Oscar Page here complete with 2011 downloadable ballots.  Bingo Cards are coming soon…I’ve got to go and replace all references to “Eddie Murphy” on the bingo cards and replace them with yawns.

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2010 Oscar page is here!

Ah, February!  The days are getting just a teeny bit longer and there’s magic in the air….who am I kidding? February means nothing but OSCARS!!

For those of you who do note know me, I’ve been hosting an Oscar party for what seems like centuries.  You can scroll through my entire history of hosting Oscar parties here. Not sure why exactly I love the Oscars so much.  Who am I kidding?  I’m a sucker for pretty much any awards show.  But the Oscars are the big time!

If you’d like to download a ballot for this year’s ceremony, visit the current 2010 Oscar page here.

There’s always a menu in the top left corner of every Reason #512 page where you can revisit this info at anytime!  I’ll post the In Memorium and the Oscar Bingo cards soon….

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AI Top 2 Finals – Where is My Wind/Dream/Bad Metaphor Coronation Song?

You know something is off with American Idol’s ratings when the promo right before the show starts touts “Stay tuned for Glee…but first it’s down to Crystal and Lee…”  Seriously?  You’re pushing an all-new Glee as the highlight of the night, not the finals of AI?  Yeesh.

On a separate note before we begin, I always hate the fact that the finals are in a completely different venue than the rest of the season – it usually means the final 2 performances seem a bit…off.  Like the contestants are so not used to seeing such a big audience or being on a such a huge stage.  Most finalists seem lost on the Nokia stage.  I sense Lee and Crystal will be no different.

I love how Crystal seems to have no idea what she is supposed to be doing during the intro when Ryan introduces her and she is walking through the audience  – walking down the aisle, her mic is slapped out of her hand and she stops dead in her tracks and waits for a cue to move.   Its awesome and shows her total lack of self-awareness in a good way.  She;s here to sing, not interact with the fans.

We learn the contestants get to choose one favorite song from the season to perform tonight; Simon Fuller gets to choose one song and then they sing the song that they will release if they win (aka, the “I am your Wind/Dream Beneath my Wings/A Proud Moment like This-type dreck that Kara writes…ugh).

Lee cis up first with his repeat performance of “The Boxer” – one of those tunes I anticipated loving but came across as just “meh” for me when he first did it.  I thought this was a song that did not live up to the hype when he first sang it. Interesting that he chose it for the finals.  I would have gone for something more up-tempo.  I get the sense he had a moment re-singing this in Chicago when we saw him break down as he sang it during his hometown performance.  But it feels s sleepy to me for this final performance.  Again, like Casey last week, he needed something bigger to kick off the show.  I agree with Simon on this one – it’s more of a kiss on the cheek than a full-on make out session.  And we wanna make out with our finalists.

Crystal chose “Me and Bobby McGee” for her repeat performance.   Very smart – this was a good song for her.  People loved it and the song lets her show range and keep the feeling light and up-tempo, ‘cause you know the “Wind Beneath My Dream” song they’ll make them sing at the end will be drecky.  She sounds great…still not 100% owning that large-ass Nokia stage, but she’s better than Lee (sorry, Lisa).

Next up, the Simon Fuller choices – not to be confused with Simon Cowell, Simon Fuller is the other Simon involved with the show – hopefully, he’ll choose better than Clive Davis last season.   For Lee, he’s chosen an interesting song – REM’s “Everybody Hurts.” Is this the first time an REM song has been sung Idol?  I wonder.  Craig hates this song – he thinks it’s maudlin.  I love it.  But not necessarily when Lee sings it.  He can’t quite find the right key – he sounds angsty enough, but Michael Stipe’s voice is so piercing and true on this song, it’s hard for me to compare Lee’s to the original.  Not my favorite Lee vocal, but I love that song.  This proves that Michael Stipe is a bad-ass.  In his hands, this song is awesome.  In Lee’s hands?  Not so bad-ass….more melodramatic.

Craig thinks this is the Singer-Songwriter American Idol this season – and he does not mean that as a compliment.

Crystal is given a much worse task – making “Blue Velvet” seem contemporary.  This song is sung on AI every so often and it always seems musty and old-fashioned no matter who sings it.  Crystal’s vamping it up…but she does not seem comfortable at all on the top of those stairs. And honestly, she does not sound comfortable once descending the stairs.  This is just an awful song.  But she sounds better than Lee – at least she’s making an effort.   But, man, is she straining on the last few notes.  Damn if the judges don’t love it – sounds like everyone is getting off of the Lee bandwagon.

If Randy says “In it to win it” one more time, I will toss my computer at the TV.

Now, on to the dreck song. Wait.  Hold Up….Did Ryan just say the song is “Beautiful Day?’  Is Lee singing a U2 song?  Is this really going to be his first release?  Where’s my Dream Wind?  Where’s my crappy weather metaphor?  DAMN IT!  I kind of like seeing the horrible coronation song  – it sometimes separates the wheat form the chaff….like you knew Carrie was going to win the minute Bo started singing his horrible coronation song.  How can we really chose who is the best at singing the horrible shit the AI management will make the winner sing if they don’t sing a song written by Kara??

So I guess I should focus on how Lee is doing on “Beautiful Day.”  I’m confused….he goes nowhere with this song for me.  Yea, there’s a big choir on stage and lots of lights but it distracts from the fact that Lee is singing this pretty one-note and karaoke – Bono wails on this song and his voice lifts you into a better mood when you hear him hit certain notes.  Lee seems complacent…almost bored.

So, is Crystal going to sing the same song as Lee or does she get her own cover?  Ah, she’s singing “Up to the Mountain” and I have to admit I have never heard this song before (and I should – it’s Patti Griffin- sorry to say I’m a Texan and I don’t know a Patti song).  But the minute we see her alone on stage with her guitar, you know this is going to be something different.  And.  She.  Nails.  It.  I think her last song was the closest thing to a “moment” we’ve had on AI this season – she took a song not many have heard and made you want to listen to her version again.  Hell, she made you want to buy it on iTunes.  And, Scene.  Round three goes to Crystal.

Well, that’s it for Idol this season – I’m pretty sure I know what I liked (Casey), what I did not like (Tim Urban, I’m talking to you) and what could have been (Oh, Siobhan).   But at least I don’t have to hear that “I Think I Better Leave Right Now” song ever again…h wait.  There’s the guy from Pop Idol singing it.  Eh.  I think I better leave Season 9 right now…bye, bye!

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AI Top 3 Results – Power Outage

OK – so I come home today and at exactly 4:58, the power goes out.  One of the major inconveniences of the LFP (that’s Lake Forest Park to you non-Seattle peeps) is that the slightest wind blows and BAM – no power.   So I have options at 4:58 – Do I throw away the red beans and rice I’ve started, wait for Craig to come home and then head out for dinner?  Or do I try and keep the Andouille Sausage cold in hopes of at some point making the red beans and rice later in the night once the power is back on.

But let me tell you – it didn’t cross my mind that I would be upset about not seeing the results show.  You see, I always check out who is going home before the actual results show starts – and in this case, I knew my trusty iPod would eventually tell me who was gone and who was going into the finals on AI.  If the power does not come back on, I could eventually see the show online.  And, of course, once the power came back on at 7:17, I checked my iPhone, found out the Casey James was going home and went about making my red beans and rice (which takes two freaking hours, mind you).  I guess this shows you my priorities tonight, and AI is not necessarily on the top of that list.

So as I sit down at 11:06 to finally watch the show on my Tivo, I can promise you I am fast forwarding through Justin Bieber and whoever the hell Perez Hilton “discovered”’s performances.

Ryan introduces the Idols and it looks like Crystal is wearing a vagina shirt.  I’m sorry.  It does.  Casey’s wearing the silly bun-ponytail.  Less is just a blob who can barely answer questions when asked.  Man, I am in a foul mood.  He wasn’t that bad. But the pimpage of him is just too much.  When he’s asked if he thinks he could win, the obligatory applause starts in – even Ryan’s voice get’s higher pitched.  TPTB have their chosen one.

My god, the judges look positively bored when Crystal talks about her diabetes. But she does get in a little bit of a health care dig, saying she’s never had the care before that she’s had with AI.

What is up with the mics on this show?  It still dumbfounds me they can barely handle live mics.

Casey gets the first homecoming…but first, the Ford commercial.  Iggy Pop’s Wild One….the sad thing, none of them are wild ones.  Child, plz.

Back to Cool, Texas, home of Casey James.  He still carries his luggage and guitar!  Casey is single!  I think a lot of people forgot Casey’s story about not being told he would ever be able to play again – thank you Casey for not Danny Gokey-ing that storyline and keeping it classy.

Who the hell is Travis Garland?  And why do I care if Perez Hilton discovered him.  Meh.  Fast-forward.

Crystal’s hometown visit is next and we are off to Ohio.  She has the Harmonica from this week’s performance with her on the plane.  OMG – Crystal has crazy fans….fans who scream at the sight if her at AT&T stores.

One thing I am noticing is the throngs all have pre-printed signs – we did not have those when we saw Blake Lewis at Westlake Center!  Damn, we wuz gypped.  I also notice they are playing CCR’s “Fortunate Son” when Crystal goes home…is it me or is a song about Vietnam an odd choice for a homecoming.  And why do we get to hear Crystal perform but not Casey?  Pimpage.  And they play an original song of hers as well?  Double pimpage.

Now for Lee’s Chicago homecoming!  Lee gets the only Sports sowing – throwing out the first pitch for a Cubs game.  Good for him!  I didn’t realize Lee had such young fans!  Lee pretty much cries the entire time he is home…His parents are very cute.  The Swaybots have followed Lee to Chicago.  Maybe they will stay there and not grace the audience at the Nokia.

Totally fast-forwarding through Justin Bieber.  Sorry, Rainey.

Back to the results.  Lee is the first declared making it to the finals.  Crystal is confused, wonders if she is safe and tells Casey to keep playing.  Casey is asked to sing Daughters without the guitar.  Does he know the little girl he picks up?  Or is she just a fan?  She must be from Texas with those giant bows in her hair.  No one outside of Texas wears such large hair accoutrements.  And we end with Casey taking off his shirt again.  Poor Casey.  He never had a chance.

And there we have it.  Next week’s final is Lee vs. Casey.

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AI Top Three – Why Can’t The Judges Pick BOTH Songs?

We get the intro from Ryan, introducing their hometowns, Love the fact that Casey is from Cool.  After teasing Lee to smile and doing a little step-dancing to seem taller than Casey, Ryan let’s the Idols shout out “This is…..AMERICAN IDOL.”  And the three remaining contestants can’t event muster the same enthusiasm Ryan brings every week to those same four words.

Casey – “OK It’s Alright By Me” by Eric Hutchinson.  I have never heard for this song ever.  Totally not sure what to expect.   Wait – Where is the hometown visit?!  Is that tomorrow night when we see that?  Crap.  I love the hometown visits.  Oh, I do know this song…and I like it.  But it is not a Top Three song.   We need fireworks.  And at least a different arrangement.  Maybe he’s going for goofy and silly and lightweight before the next song he didn’t choose?  I don’t know.  I would have loved to see Stevie Ray Vaughn.  Still I can see myself at a Casey concert and that would be fun to hear.    And something tells me I will be at a Casey concert someday.  I heart him.  The judges do not like him.  At all.  Simon breaks out the busking word….Daft song choice, but he sounded good.

Next up, Crystal.   Looks like she’s playing harmonica.  Craig is already saying “noooo.”  “Come to My Window” by Melissa Etheridge is her choice.   Melissa never quite does well on AI – if I recall a lot of contestants have been voted off after a Melissa Etheridge song.  She tends to shout and then there is the whole fundy-religious turn-off for some voters for a song by a lesbian.  But if anyone can break the curse, Crystal can.  This song is made for her.  The harmonica was totally not needed.   If she gets a pass from the judges for this almost-karaoke version, I will speed dial for Casey.  I am sorry.  It was almost-karaoke.  If you don’t believe me, come meet me at the Mandarin Gate next Saturday and I will show how it is done.

Thankfully, the judges grade her on a normal scale.  Whew.  And I want to tell Simon Casey has not compromised himself either (OK, save for Frank Sinatra week) – Simon just does not like Casey.  End of story.

Lee is up and looking very….brown.  Seriously, this guy has no fashion sense.  He’s doing “Simple Man” by Lynyrd Skynryd.  God, that’s a hard band name to type.  Seriously, you should try it sometime.   This should be good, but isn’t he doing “Hallelujah” as well – is that 2 slow songs tonight?  Eep.  These people cannot pick songs to save their life.    Well, it does seem to work for him.  I am totally feeling the pimpage for him – that was such a better arrangement than Casey and Crystal’s.

Is Randy on Ryan’s coke tonight?  My god, he was annoying during Lee’s critique.   All “Someone’s in it to win!!!” in that cloying annoying voice that my mom can sometimes have.  Like when I got my period “Someone is a woman now!!!”  But I digress.

God, I miss Adam right now.  And even Kris.  This time, last season, he did “Heartless” by Kayne-fucking-West.  No one is changing it up this week.

Judges Choice!  Casey is up first with “Daughters” by John “Douchebag” Mayer.  YAY Hometown footage!  SWAYBOTS!  ugh.  This is a stripped down low-key version and I have to admit, I loved it (surprise!).  I’m a sucker for Casey and that was great.  I wanted more guitar – he kills every solo.  Simon did not like the arrangement and disses Randy and Kara.   Will the judges bickering help Casey?  Or hurt him?  I’ll tell you what won’t hurt him – Casey’s response.  He’s classy and quiet.

Awkward Fox-self promotion with Colin Hanks and Bradley Whitford in the house.

Crystal is singing Ellen’s choice – “Maybe I’m Amazed” by Paul McCartney.  This is an epic song for me.  It’s off of Paul’s first solo album, before the Beatles split, and it is such a pure love song to Linda.  I love it.   No guitar!  Interesting.  I LOVE HER FOR NOT CHANGING THE LYRICS!  Mega props.  I hate it when people change the pronouns.  Thank you Crystal!  OK – she did not seem that comfy with the song.  And people who critique her shoutiness – listen to the original version.  Paul shouts to high heavens and almost loses it, as Crystal does almost going sharp during the higher notes.  Kara nails it when she says Crystal didn’t change the song up much (she didn’t at all).  Simon admits he did not like the song choice initially but that he sense he’ll be thanking Ellen for getting her into the finals.

Next up is Lee- what was Simon thinking picking “Hallelujah” a song that has had some key moments – even just this season by none other than turban?  For some, this is sacred.  I think this is a cynical choice from Simon, honestly.   I think there’s a segment of the population that will love this song no matter what.  PIMPAGE ANYONE?  Hello, show choir.  And Horns!  This arrangement is closer to Leonard Cohen’s and will totally not stand with those akin to the Jeff Buckley version.  Or the kd lang version from the Olympics a few months ago.  He did fine.  I still think this song will be more polarizing to the voting public (and AI Critics) than the judges will admit.  They’ll just heap the praises on Lee, with his back-up choir.  Seriously, THAT was supposed to be a “moment?”  Nah.  I’ll still give it to Mike Lynche and “This Women’s Work” a better moment than this.

Even with my hateness for that last song, I’ll give the night to Lee.  But I would dare put Casey second – I think Crystal was a little bit off.  I think the artifice of AI is wearing on her.  And I think…Oh, who cares.  GLEE is on!  With NPH!  WOOT!!!  Gotta go….

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AI Top 4 Results. The Cheese Stands Alone.

We open with a package intro that feels more like a trailer than an AI opening.  Le Sigh.  37 million votes!  Highest of the Season? For those performances?  Thankfully, we only get a few moments of Jamie Foxx in the oackage and he does not appear for the rest of the show – and there’s no mention of those damn T-Shirts.

We have performances from Fantasia, Daughtry, Bon Jovi…at least far more relevant than last week’s Lady Gaga performance.

Fantasia in tha house!  OK, I love ‘Tasia.  Love her.  The irony of her performing on the movie night, when she herself did Summertime back in her season during movie week and BLEW THE ROOF OFF is not lost on me.  And then she starts singing this drivel.  She is so above this song.  She still channels Mary J. and I think she has a gift, but girl has got to get some better songs to sing.  This was a Diana Ross/Dionne Warwick throw-away.  Side note: Craig thinks she looks like a Terrier, with her hair in eyes.

I think Casey is wearing the same thing that Lee wore last night!  Time for the Ford Commercial.  Casey in lederhosen!  Crystal in a kimono!  Wacky!  I hope this I our last Ford commercial, although they have not been bad this year – they are still forgettable.

Next up, we see a recap of  past Top 3 Idol trips home.  Wonder if we’ll see Andrew, Lora and I at Westlake Center when we saw Blake Lewis during his homecoming.  (Yes, I am admitting we were there.  Do not judge.).  I think we saw more Danny Gokey than anyone else during that montage!  Ugh.  Blake only got the backside at a Mariners game – what a gyp!

Some quick interviews with the Top 4: Aww..Mike is missing his puppy.  And the Salty Sea air of St. Petersburg.  Crystal wants to see her family and wants to play a gig with her bass player.   Lee just wants to go home.  Casey wants to smell Texas air and hear a bunch of people say y’all (Casey – why don’t you just read my blog –I say y’all all the time!).

Wait, the families are not on stage?  WTF?  That seems cruel.  On to the results – in no particular order!!  Mike vs. Casey:  Mike admits he picked that piece of crap song.  Crystal vs. Lee: Crystal admits Once is her favorite movie.  After the nationwide vote….Casey is safe…..he looks very confused…as does Crystal.   Wow….everyone looks a little bit shocked.

Time for Daughtry.  I was not a fan of Chris back in the day…I thought he was angry and arrogant.  And now he is Nickleback lite, but what am I to say?  Dude is making millions with his Top 5 vote-off, so who has the last laugh?

Back to results – Big Mike is next.  Anyone else notice Big Mike say that singing the MJ song was “Not tough?”  Lee is asked if his performance was Karaoke and he says no, but he could have done more with the arrangement.  Why does it take Lee 5 minutes to answer a question?  Who is safe next?  Lee.  Well this is so not exciting….of course Big Mike is going home (and not in the proverbial going home for the taping way – he’s going home for good).  I might as well just end the recap here.  Bon Jovi performs,  Rayn vamps, good bye Mike, yada, yada, yada.

The good news?  I still have a shot at the Top Three Pool!  And who do you think will have the biggest coming home of the Top 3?  My vote?  Casey….we Texans always do it up BIG!

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AI Top 4 – We’ve got to get Simon to see a movie or two…

No spoilers this week from MJ – sorry gang!  But we get confirmation from Ryan quickly that we will have duets this Top 4 performance.  I guess it makes sense for Jamie Foxx to mentor movie music night, but I still kind of wish Harry Connick, Jr would come back this week seeing how he actually cut his teeth on soundtracks (When Harry Met Sally, anyone?).  Plus, I miss his awesomely funny-sarcastic quips.

Jamie has a tattoo on his head – who’d a thunk?  And Jamie has a gimmick – T-shirts! My, we have come a long way down from Paula’s Star necklaces for the contestants.   It seems like it’s a lame gimmick we’re going to endure all night.  Plus, Jamie is all wrong.  America does not want artists.  Hell, even the judges don’t want artists – If that were the case, Danny Gokey would have not made the top 10, let alone top 3 last season.  They are always talking about who is “in it to win it” and they are constantly berating contestants for doing things too “artsy.”

Lee DeWyze is up first singing “Kiss From A Rose” by Seal.   For the millionth time on AiI  Yawn.  Didn’t Mike sing this a few weeks back?  Oh wait, he just made that “Hero” song sound like this song.  I’m sleepy…I am not feeling this; he’s sharp at the beginning. And when finally he goes into full constipation mode, I am not into the performance at all.  I do not know why they are pimping Lee so much…I mean, I like him, but he is not doing anything exciting with this song.  And at some point, dude has GOT to dress better.

Simon- if there are so many movies and so many songs to choose from, why was the AI list so fucking lame??  Stop complaining about the choices of the contestants if they have to chose from a list of crap that you and your producers chose, m’kay?

Michael Lynche is next, singing a Michael Jackson song.  Big Mike gets the pimp interview.  He’s singing “Will You Be There” from Free Willy.  Damn.  I really wanted him to sing “Let The River Run” he would have killed that song (in a good way).

Jamie – I need a word with you.  Please don’t encourage the crazy part of Big Mike by asking him to dance.  He’s reined is in as of late and now you’re taunting his clowny side to come out?  For shame.

New drinking game – How many pointy poses will Mike do in this song? They are bring out a mini choir for this song…are TPTB changing their tune?  Are they now throwing their weight behind Mike?  I am not a fan of this song, but Mike did it well – say what you will about Mike, but he is always in tune.

Kara should not be commenting on Mike being safe while she’s in that outfit.  And Simon should not be making Free Willy cracks….really, what kind of entertainment executive has not ever heard of Free Willy?

Lee and Crystal sing a duet next: Falling Slowly from Once.   This should be good, but I loved Kris’ take last year on this.  I am not a fan of the splitting up of the lyrics, line by line, going back and forth between the two singers…it loses something for me…this is really a Glenn Hansard song with back up by Marketa not a shared duet.  Nothing about this version is about falling slowly…it’s more rocked-up and it does not work for me.  Maybe it’s because that film is so delicate and the quiet – to turn that into something alt-rocky?  Not feeling it.  I guess I am in the minority here – even Craig liked it.

Casey James – Simon and Garfunkel’s masterpiece “Mrs. Robinson.”  With a mandolin?  And in the swaybot pit?  Noooooo!  Wait, this is working for me….It’s an odd choice for tonight…but I like the minor key changes he uses to good effect.  Oh great, Randy starts baiting the Kara as Mrs. Robinson storyline.   Simon’s going to say it sounded like a guy in a dorm room, strumming his guitar.   What was Jamie mumbling hen Simon mentioned it was lazy?  I didn’t think it was lazy….he made it seem easy and it was not bombastic (like the previous duet was for me).

Crystal Bowersox “I’m Alright”  Now, I am EXCITED about this one!  I’ve always wanted someone to do this song on AI.    Confession – Caddyshack was the first R-rated movie I saw and I saw it with my parents and brother at a drive-in theatre in East Texas.  Crystal cusses!   I think this is the first time I’ve actually understood the lyrics.  This is an odd arrangement – this is not a song to fuck with too much – people like the song!  There’s affection for it!  It’s never been done before on AI! Don’t fuck with it!  (“A Kiss From a Rose” though – please fuck with it – it’s been done to death on this show)

Crystal needs a new boyfriend who does not wear Apollo Creed pants.

Casey and Mike sing a duet now – Bryan Adams “Have You Really Ever Loved a Woman?”  Casey’s guitar playing is awesome!  I hate that song.  Really, really hate that song.  But I loved their version…Casey is an awesome guitar player, Mike sounded good and I like how they shared singing/guitar playing.  all in all, as good as that could ever sound.  And I hate that song.  Really, really hate that song.

Well, I have no idea who is going home now…again.  Did it seem like Jamie Foxx mentored more towards the camera and not so much to the actual AI Contestants?   I miss Harry!

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AI Top 5 Results – Bye, bye Goldilocks. Scratch that – bye, bye Baby Bear.

Another week, another results show.  I swear, these do not get any easier, especially knowing how much of the hour-long fest will be chockfull of non-results stuff.  Like Lady Gaga performing.  Can we just do 45 minutes of Harry Connick, Jr stand-up and then cut to the results.  Alas, no.  Lady Gaga and Group sings it is.

What does Lady Gaga have to do with Frank Sinatra?  Will someone please shed some light on this?

Simon is wearing a sweater!  Maybe someone told him his look last night was a little bit risqué with the Henley open down to his treasure trail.

GROUP SING!  Yea, pointy poses.  And yet, is it still pre-recorded?  WTF?  Why won’t they let these peeps sing live in the group sing?  Lip-synching sucks.  I think Crystal is live, maybe…but everything else is so not live.  Especially Aaron during his solo.  And Mike during his solo.  And Casey – Damn, if Casey sounded like that last night, he might not have landed on everyone’s must go home list last night.  Am I insane that I think Crystal is the only one not pre-recorded?

Hey Bob – at least Lee’s not wearing a skinny tie!  Crystal borrowed it tonight.

Jamie Foxx is the mentor next week for movie night.  I kind of liked him last season.  I hope he doesn’t perform that lousy song he sang last season during the results – “Blame It”…ugh.  What an awful song.

The Ford commercial is a bit twee this week – kind of like Crystal’s Shania Twain week performance.  But the thought of Casey + Crystal in love (like at the end of the commercial) = super talented guitar-strumming baby.

Next up – A retrospective of the Idols and how their lives have changed since Idol.  Oh my god – I want to be an Idol Judge stand in!  How do you get THAT job!?  I would totally kick ASS at that job.  I already do it from my couch every Tuesday night!

back to results – Big Mike is asked how he slept last night – I think he’s humbled a bit as he answers – he’s not preening as much as in weeks past.

Crystal is asked what it is like to be the only girl left – she stumbles through a half-answer.  These Idols are not good at answering these sort of questions.  Casey’s ponytail looks hot tonight.  Sorry for that non-sequitur.  I’m just getting as much Casey-love as I can, since i think he is going home tonight.

On to the results!  Lee is first…you know he’s going to be safe immediately.  No drama here.  You know he has a big fan base, even if his performance was not as good as Big Mike’s.

Lady gaga is performing next – the song “Alejandro.”  I know I should love Lady Gaga.  She’s just a little bit too much for me.  Sorry.  Lose the costumes and just sing.  Love the dancers, though.   But I think I like Jesse Tyler Ferguson’s version better.

More Harry Connick, Jr footage.  Do you think maybe he’s trying for Simon’s job?  Best lines of the night occur during this video package – Harry Connick, Jr telling Casey’s Mom: “Your son is coyote ugly” or “He thought I was Chris Isaac!”  or telling the camera “it is not about them, it’s about me.”  And what was bleeped out about Big Mike?  And Harry asking Casey if he wants to party afterward….I wish every week were Harry Connick, Jr week!  He is too damn funny.

Next up is a performance but the funny man himself.  Harry now schools the Idols on how to  cover the Lennon-McCartney songbook.  How to take a Beatles song and make it something totally different.  Does he sound a little bit nervous?  Maybe he just realized how a little bit assy he came across during that last video package?  I mean that in a good assy way, kind of like a class clown.  This arrangement is cool.  LOVE how he intros the sax player.  Only classy singers do that…Lyle Lovett does that.  Now THERE’S a mentor – Lyle!  Come do Country week next season!!!

The Swaybots are in full swing.  Ugh.  I want Harry to bitch-slap them.  Or at least chastise them that they are off beat.

And now Harry does Ryan for a few moments, introducing the next group sing!  Love it!  Will this be live or Memorex??  Can’t tell….anyone?  Thoughts?  Something tells me Harry would not be cool with lip-synching.  This might actually be live.

Harry needs his own talk show.  He really is funny and can tell a story.  He should mentor the Idols on answering questions as well as singing!

Finally, back to results!  Crystal is up next.  And instead of giving her a safe or Bottom 3, she’s told to stand near the piano.  Were divvying the Idols up, people!  I bet they will make Lee pick one group vs. another to chose who is safe.  Mike and Aaron are paired together; Crystal and Casey are paired up as well.  Casey looks pretty centered.  Like he knows he’s going home.  Lee is so not going for picking who is safe and who is not – good for you, Lee!  I love how Casey and Crystal have no emotion for being safe.  Casey is probably stunned and Crystal is just too cool to get excited.

After the break, we learn that Aaron is going home.  Aww…he looks so sad.  But I love how Mike and Aaron have an extended hug.  Aaron did so much better than anyone thought he would.  But I can’t deny that I am happy with the final four.  I have no problem with Big Mike, Casey, Crystal and Lee dueling it out now.  Of course, I want Casey to make the top 3….but for now, I am OK.  One more week of man-candy!  Yea!

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AI Top 5 – How mad am I that no one did “It Had To Be You”??

Word on the street is Harry is arranging the songs tonight – do you think he’ll sabotage anyone by making a bad arrangement?  He is crazy talented. When Harry is introduced, he makes Ryan look positively….say it with me: Lilliputian.   I love that he is accompanying the kids.  Something tells me we will not be hearing a Sid Vicious version of “My Way.”  For a second I thought Ryan was introducing Harry Connick Jr’s daughters in the audience, but no, they are Frank Sinatra’s daughters.  Simon look genuinely moved that his daughters gave him one of their father’s hankies.  Awww, Simon has a soul!

When Harry met Aaron (how many times are we going to hear that pun tonight?): Aaron Kelly is doing “Fly me to the Moon.”  Harry is giving very real advice, advice that probably does not translate to the general public, it’s pretty technical.   He’s nervous, I think, when he sings the beginning of this song with such a sparse arrangement, but he does grow into it.  His hair looks so much better not spiky!  This is pretty straight up, simple phrasing, nothing offensive, nothing great, though.  Aaron is the epitome of uncool, the opposite of Frank, the bizarro-world Frank, if you will.  There is nothing cool about this performance at all.  And it is so lacking in syncopation….no swing.  But it was in tune so I give him credit.  Harry looks upset when Randy starts talking –like he’s going to kick someone’s ass if they something bad about Aaron.

So, how tall was Frank Sinatra?  According to www.celebhieghts.com, he was 5’ 7”.  There is no way Aaron is 5’ 7”, Kara.

Casey James is next with “Blue Skies.”  I love the Lyle Lovett version of this song –it’s so ironic and sardonic.  Casey gets a pimp interview and Harry comes in and gives him grief – I am right there with Harry: “Don’t screw this up, Casey!!”   He starts off a little off-pitch.  It needs to pick up speed more…it’s a little flat.  Oh Casey.  No, no, no… this is not good.  I will say, this is the “biggest” he’s ever sung and it’s a complicated arrangement – not everyone could pull this off.  But it was odd.  Oh, honey, I am speed dialing for you tonight.   The judges hated it.  Kara calls out his goaty-ness (aka, the Eddie Vedder-ness).  Harry is a fan of Casey and vouches that he sounded better 2 hours before during rehearsal.

Apparently, Harry Connick Jr is very funny, who knew?  New drinking game – anytime Harry says “bro,” drink.

What the french is Anthony Hopkins doing in the audience?  Does he have an upcoming movie?  WTF?  Is he wearing a Wrist Strong bracelet?

Up next: Crystal Bowersox, she is singing a song I have not heard before: “Summer Wind.”  Harry has no words for her.  He thinks she’s great as is.   HOLY BATMAN SUNFLOWER that is a huge tat on your back Crystal!  Not that it is unexpected.   She sounds great – she does not seem comfortable up there, but so far, she is the best tonight.  She is just head and shoulders above everyone else.  Crystal – stop talking back to the judges.  Can’t believe the judges are not giving her a tongue bath on this.  And she still talks back to the judges…it’s like Siobhan passed the crazy talk-back trait after she was voted off last week.

OK, Big Mike, let’s bring this up a notch.  You are not my favorite by a long shot, but you always deliver a good performance.  He’s doing “The Way You Look Tonight.”  Big Mike gets a mini pimp interview.  Harry says “Bro” twice in one sentence!!  Drink, drink!!!  New party game!  Harry tells Mike to sing this to his girl, like she looks fricking fantastic.  I’ll give Mike this, he does know how to do cool.  And he does the song very well.  I loved that.  Cool, in tune, great phrasing – loved it.   Still not going to vote for him, though.

Every time the judges mention the arrangement on Big Mike’s I wonder if Casey is silently cursing under his breath for having Harry give him a shitty arrangement.

OK, Bob – this next paragraph is for you:

Lee.  Seriously.  We need to talk about style.  Even Casey stepped it up this week, trading in the white shirt/jeans combo for a natty vest/pants combo.  But you, Lee?  Must you always wear the skinny tie with a jacket where you’ve rolled up and/or pushed up the sleeves and an untucked shirt?  Sigh.  Would it hurt to wear a suit for Frank Sinatra week?

Ok, fashion critique over – Lee is singing “That’s Life.”   Harry thinks Lee looks like a better version of himself.  Ummmm….no.  Sorry, Lee fans – I’m not feeling the cuteness – I still feel like Lee could beat me up if he wanted to.   LOVE how Harry fucks with Lee by telling him he was not good – it’s as if no one told Harry that Lee is the kid with no confidence.  I actually didn’t write much during Lee’s performance, because I have no idea what to think of it.  It was good, he sounded great.  But the arrangement was odd to me – a little un-rhythmic (if that is a word) and lumbering.  But I think he did it well.   I would put him second next to Mike tonight.  Wow, the judges are RAVING.  I still do not like to look at him when he is singing.   And I think Big Mike was better.

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AI Top 6 Results – A Very Special Episode of Punky Brewster.

What’s worse than a results show?  A results show for an AI performance week that I wasn’t all too thrilled with.  In retrospect, Shania Twain week was bland for me – no one had a true “moment” (although Casey came close).  And while I like Shania, I could have maybe done with an all-Reba night.  Hell, I’ll admit it – I just want SOMEONE to do Reba’s “Fancy” on Idol.

Why is Shakira singing during country week?  Lady Antebellum and Rascal Flatts I can understand, but the “My Hips Don’t Lie” gal?  Not so country.

Rascal Flatts is up first – not a huge fan of the Flatts, I must say.  This song is going to put me to sleep, so fast-forward, I will!  Sorry guys – I know I am from Texas and I should like Country more, but if it ain’t Dolly, Willie or Lyle, I lose interest.   The lead singer look like he’s wearing a shirt Casey should be wearing.

Ryan mentions Shakira and Rascal Flatts will perform together later in the show.  Ah, Shakira and Rascal Flatts together – you’ve got your peanut butter in my chocolate!  No, you’ve got your chocolate in my peanut butter!  Who are we kdding? It’s two great tastes that taste great together.

Six minutes in and we still have not seen the Idols until the Ford Commercial., which has something to do with vampires.  I Bet Siobhan is LOVING this.  Craig is too – he loves Vampires.  Well, that was silly – lots of make-up and contacts for not much effect and Big Mike ends up fending off the vampire Idols with extra garlic.

On to the results!  Wait!  False alarm!  It’s a shill for the new Shrek movie.  Banter with Antonio Banderas and Cameron Diaz ensues, blah, blah, blah.  Next!

NOW, on to the results.  Siobhan is first – lots of heaping praise again.  She says it was “wicked cool” to sing a Shania song in front of Shania.  She heads to the far left side of the stage.  Aaron is next – again, repeat of the praise from last night.   Aaron goes to the center of the stage.  Michael Lynch is next – He waves to his “people.”  Simons tried to describe what the British term “wet” means.  Doesn’t succeed.  Michael stands on the opposite side of Aaron, next to Ryan.  Lee is next.  He explains he initially did not want to do “You’re Still The One” but changed his mind later.  Lee is asked to stand next to Siobhan.  I’m not sure how they are separating everyone tonight.  Casey is paired with Michael.  Crystal is asked to stand next to Aaron after Ryan asks the judges if she should be nervous for her performance last night.

Siobhan is asked to stand next to Casey and Michael and they are the Bottom 3.  That was an awkward making of the Bottom 3.

Carrie Underwood is up next, introducing some new band, Sons of Sylvia.  It’s like power-country pop.  Not liking this so much – it’s Emo-Country.  Ick.   Tivo to the rescue!

This week’s results show is all about the other artists’ performance…where was the group sing lip synch?  Lady Antebellum is next – I thought the girl in Lady Antebellum was blond?  Shows you I am so not into what the kids are listening to….

Next week’s theme is Sinatra!  Harry Connick Jr is mentoring.  Love it!

Shakira and Rascal Flatts are next – this should be an odd combo.  Shakira is playing the harmonica.  My god, just looking at her earrings make my neck hurt.  Shakira always sounds like she needs to clear her throat, like there is a fair amount of phlegm in her voice.  I want to make her cough.  I’m fast-forwarding through this.  But I stop it just in time to hear Shakira give a Casey Kasem quote to Roosevelt (WTF?) about stars.  Whatever.

Back to the results.  Love how Ryan asks Mike how it feels to be back in the bottom 3 again (“Well, I think it sucks” should have been the answer).  Ryan fakes out Mike and he is sent back to the couches first.   It’s down to Casey and Siobhan.  I don’t want Casey to go and honestly, I don’t want Siobhan to go yet, either.  But between the two, she is annoying me more each week.

When they come back from the break, we find out Siobhan is going home.  Ryan says she has a great work ethic and a laser-like focus.  Laser-like focus?  I’m afraid I have to disagree on that – she was all over the map as of late with her singing.  And her “I’m Quirky” constant labeling was growing a little bit tired (as we see again in her goodbye package, where we are reminded of her Punky Brewster persona from the auditions).  Just because you SAY you’re quirky does not make it so. She chooses “Think” as her sing-out song and it’s OK.  A little lackluster – she’s going through the motions…this is a defiant song and she’s smiling.  Oh, Siobhan – I know you can hit those crazy notes…you just need to learn what to do with that big voice before you can get better.  Question of the week: if Big Mike had not been saved, would they have saved Punky?  Only Simon knows for sure….